I'm pretty fit for 60 and a diet of rhubarb...

Today we turned 60. My church for the last 19 years of my life had a major shindig over the weekend too celebrate, and it was great.

I'm still thinking and praying about what to do church wise now i'm back in the pool, and i love this place, the people are my family (even the ones who aren't related to the taylor/lake mafia!) but i really struggle with it too. Stuck in a rut would be another way of describing this place, but it's got such potential. Their ideas of evangelism may be stuck back in the 80's but maybe, just maybe, stayings what i should do. It's a huge debate, which won't fit here, but nowhere else do i get hugged, climbed by many small children, slapped playfully (but painfully) by my mates, and loved by our chummy old people. Hopefully, i'll be at the 100 year anniversary too!

Maybe i just like rhubarb....

anyone got any bluetac?

Sometime's life is just flipping hard.

So if you get a chance, please pray for me, the girl with the struggling personal, proffesional and financial life.


Ta.

(and now i'm gonna write a different post!)

heart pouring time...

well hello.

I haven't posted for a little while, not due to forgetfulness, but more to not feeling like i had anything important enough to say. Thing is, i very rarely have anything of value to say, i just waffle, occasionally in an amusing way, and if i didn't waffle the majority of the time, nothing of value would ever appear amongst. So i'll just waffle and hope the gems are somewhere inside the batter.

The last few days have been spent chilling with friends every evening, stopping me being lonely in this slightly scary, empty house. We watched little miss sunshine tonight, a film i'd been wanting to see for far far too long- and i enjoyed it even more than i expected. everything i want in a film (apart from some amazing musical numbers, but even i would possibly get slightly annoyed with people bursting into song in every film!) Even the subject matter was close to my heart, with the image that is forced upon girls sometimes- nothing angers me like that!

I'm not an activist for the "skinny is bad" camp in anyway shape or form- thats just hypocritical when you own size zero clothes, but the forced image for everyone to be one way or another is the problem. Girls are catty beings, especially when they're insecure, and i know that when i feel intimidated, i'll notice her imperfections to attept to fill the gaping insecurities i have myself- but as everyone knows, dragging others down does nothing to help you or them.
All through my school years i was insecure about the way i looked, and i had friends who would try and justify themselves by knocking me down about certain things, because i was thin, pointing out my less than ample cleavage to try and make themsleves feel better in their heads.
This need for Justification is something we all struggle for, whilst searching for acceptance and love. The amazing thing is, we have all the justification and acceptance we could ever need in God, and the love jesus shows us daily is something we just cant deny- we have no need to try and find justification in others eyes when God's just crying out to us for him to fill the gap, to give us a sense of worth and understanding.

Around us we need people who will love us and accept us for who we are, and that's something we strive to be with Gurl, to show girls that it doesn't matter if you're curvy or thin, a size 6 or 16, that God thinks you're amazing and he want's to get to know you, and so do we. We all need other people to love us, and keep us accountable when we're doing stupid stuff, and hopefully gurl can be apart of that.

Let's see girls lives changed, not by eating disorders and rejection and self harm, but by a loving and powerful father, who calls us to love, real love, and to look to him for all our needs.

"prawns for HOW much???"

girls.... they're a weird species aren't they??

Over the last few days i've started looking into what GURL should be, where God wants it to be, who it's for and how does this crazy vision thing actually happen outside of mine and the Hazza's brain.

One day i'll post the vision statement (probably after i've tried and failed to make it sound just right, and will have passed it onto Mel to PR it properly for me!) But a huge part of what we want to do is get alongside teenage girls and show them the beauty God's put inside them, to invest and help others to invest in these girls.
Part of what i feel God's nudging me to do is get on researching and writing Gurl- The Course, having a resource that we (and potentially others) and use to approach the issues that face girls, specifically during their teenageish years.
I've just started looking at my 1st topic as such, with the preliminary title of, "To love and be Loved", looking at relationships. So far, there's 4 strands within this-

• Male/female relationships- Life, love and all the nitty gritty that exists in dating or not dating, flirting and all that stuff.
• Parent relationships(or the lack of)- getting on with parents, why they're there (or why they aren't) , being a daughter, when the family thing breaks down and all that, and more.
• Sister sister (Girl friendships)- looking at the good stuff and the bad, jealousy, bitching, gossip, and building each other up, fun and encouragement.
• God realtionship- how that works (if you want it to) how to build a good god relationship etc.

Whilst thinking bout this stuff, the girl friendship stuff really got me thinking. Our girl mates are so important in life!! For years i've always been abit of "one of the lads" in some ways. My best mate for the last 4 years or so has been a Boy, and being the only girl of my year in church stuff (Infact, being the only one not called DAN!) has led me to always think there wasn't a huge difference, but i'm so wrong!!

Today, i had the privilege of having a fab "Girly Lunch" with 6 other beautiful, amazing women who i am blessed to call friends. Just the joy of funny chats and giggles, shopping without having to worry about time or people getting bored, and the general support of really really GOOD friends, was just a great experience.

I think back over the last years of knowing these girls, and think of all amazing times of encouragement, crazy opportunities (like starting refuge with Maz, Amz and Rach), and the sheer joy of being able to pray through life with these girls. But alongside that is the hurt and paranoia thats existed between us at times and i just thank God that our friendships have survived. I LOVE that i can be myself and thats ok, and thats my heart for our gurl's groups, that through friendship and fun stuff and exploring the course together, that the girl's will be able to support each other in the way that we've ended up trying to do.

So Kler, Katie, Maria, Joy, Amy and my lovely lovely Rach, I love you guys- and I pray that through all our time together, you'll be spurred on to continue loving God, knowing that he created you to be the woman that you are, and that he thinks you're more beautiful than anything else.

B xxx

We are Dreamgirls.... or make that DreamGurls...

Sometimes, God just blows me off my feet.

(although he hasn't literally, yet.)

The last month or so has been rather confusing, not really knowing if i'm coming or going with my life. I've been coming to the end of what i'd agreed to do for the people i work for in manchester and i was at that, ok what next??! stage. Staying doing what i was doing was not what i wanted to do, even if thats what work wanted, but there were a few interesting options flying about. The best was abit of a surprise to me, something that i barely enquired about and suddenly it seemed to all be abit serious. But on paper, it was what i'd been wanting to do for a while, what i trained to do- sing, dance and tell young people about jesus. There was just two problems.

a) Something just didn't feel totally right.

b) it was on the other side of the country. as in properly on the other side (at least i wouldn't miss the sea!)

As much as a prayed and read and chatted to people, things still seemed abit cloudy, which is great for apple juice, bad for my mind. But the vision i'd had almost a year back with my gorgeous mate, Harriet, kept popping back into my mind. All the time, things kept pointing back to Girls, and the vision we'd had for GURL (thats another post sometime!)
I realised the one thing that really got me het up was girls being told they should be this or that, girls having no self esteem, girls not realising their true worth and beauty.
The vision for gurl was something we both really felt God laid on our hearts, and my amazing, challenging boyfriend, gave me a kick without realising it and told me to get on with it then!! SO i'm flipping scared, coz this thing doesn't exist, which means i don't know where i'll live, how i'll live and whats going on, but i'm pretty sure this is what God wants me to do. And that means turning this other stuff down but hey- God's plans are definately the best!!!

So here's to gurl- God, it's all yours......


B xx

Baltimore and me...and zach Effron....

As you may or may not know, i'm abit of a musical theatre geek.

Make that a MAJOR musical theatre geek.

I just love it, you can't beat a wonderful musical, making the world right through abit of song and dance- ahh just puts a smile on your face!!

So yesterday i went to see Hairspray at the cinema with two blokey friends, who surprisingly quite enjoyed it. I LOVED IT! i had to stop dancing in my seat, it was soo good. Really made me miss doing musicals though, i'm going to need to find a way to scratch that itch i think! But Go see it, it's brilliant! Can't wait for the DVD now!

Enjoying being back home at the moment, having big lie ins and seeing the family and all my old mates. I'd missed being around people who know me so well i can just be me and they think nothing of it!

heading the pub tonight... see you there??

Bx

Take Take Take it all...

So, today i decided to write a blog.

Not sure if i'll tell anyone about this just yet, there's something quite intrieguing about talking into space, with the possibility that everyone or no-one could ever read it. Potentially, you, as the person reading this, could be my boss, my best friend, my worst enemy or a person i'll never ever meet. I just don't know.

I like that.

So right now, i'm sat alone on a white sofa, with a white mac (thinking i should have worn a white top to finish the look) typing into space, enjoying the fact that all i have to think about for the next few minutes is if i should have thought of a better blog title. The best i ever heard was stolen long ago by an old friend (&othershortstories, if details like that interest you, like they do me) but that made me think, and so i hit upon "the many adventures of". I still have a love for Nancy Drew, (i may have to find my old books tomorrow), and i always wanted to be her, so this is possibly the closest i'll get right now to that whole adventurous lifestyle.
Being honest though, i think i have a fairly exciting life. I live by faith, being that i don't have a job, i just work for random charities and trust that God will provide (which he does!) I live between two cities and i'm considering adding a third next month, which is an interesting prospect seeing as i don't pay anyone rent. And as much as sometimes, i'd love the normal life someday, with a mortgage and 2.4 children, with a good career, the degree from a top uni that everyone wanted me to get, and all that shabang- I LOVE living the jesus life. It's not comfortable, but its exciting (I must remind myself that when i'm sat in an office getting annoyed at administration!!!!!)


My hopes for this blog though, i guess everything needs a purpose. Well it means i can chat out what i'm thinking, and i can explore what God's saying to me, i'm a talk it out person, even when its in my head- i guess thats not a bad thing.
Last year when i was doing my evangelism training thing, a very wise woman with very red hair talked about how God made you the way you are and so it's ok to be you. I'm gonna try that out here, stop worrying about what others think and just see what happens.

So here's to us......


B x